Needs to be said
by Zombiebubbles
Summary: Karofsky calls Kurt... just a conversation I wish would be cannon one day...FINISHED  But being continued in the fic Rolling in the Deep!
1. The phone call

Kurt had abandoned his textbooks and his ipod with him to the kitchen. He had wanted to get some studying done but that hadn't happened. So it was snack time. Dancing around the island trying to make a sandwich should have been an acceptable way to memorize math theorems. It was sometimes nice having the house to himself. His dad was still in the shop, Carol was at a Mary Kay meeting and Finn was off with Puck doing "guy stuff" as they had put it. _Probably looking at porn again. _Finn's browser history had some sites on it that Kurt was still hoping he could one day forget with time and lots of therapy.

Kurt had just finished eating his sandwich when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pressed pause on the ipod and took out the phone.

"Hello?" Kurt answered with a light airy tone. It didn't bother him that the number had shown up as blocked, that just usually meant that it was his dad calling from the private line at the shop. Kurt hoped his dad wasn't calling to tell him that he was bringing home fast food again. Keeping Burt on a heart healthy diet had been an ongoing challenge.

But it wasn't his father's voice that answered… "Hummel? Please don't hang up."

Kurt's stomach dropped and he couldn't help but glance nervously around. Even though he knew he was alone he whispered into the phone, "Who is this?" He had to ask the question even if he already knew the answer.

Dave had been hoping that Hummel would know it was him. Now, having to actually say who it was he lost all ability to talk. "Um, this is….uh…"

Kurt listened to Karofsky trip around his own name for half a minute before becoming completely exasperated and snapped at the phone, "Look, I know it's you Karofsky. So stop spazzing over your own name and tell me why you are calling me."

Dave pulled the phone away from his ear. He looked from the bright screen around his dark bedroom. _Why the hell had he called?_ _What had he been expecting?_ Dave knew he was lucky that Hummel was still on the other end. It had made so much sense this morning. It had been surprisingly easy to find Hummel's cell phone number. It had only been a little harder to dial the number. But he had known what he wanted to say. He'd carefully thought out every piece of his speech. But all the things he had meant to say, wanted to say just weren't coming out of his mouth now. It was like he'd forgotten how to speak English. He had to say something though…

Kurt rolled his eyes and was about to hang up when he heard Dave let out a long sigh, "I'm sorry." Kurt's eyebrows quirked up as he listened to Dave continue, "I should have said that a while ago. I should have said that in Figgin's office. I mean, I treated you like shit. I was terrible to you."

"Yeah, I know, I was there." Kurt answered, harsh memories making his words harsh.

Dave stumbled a bit after that, "I know, I know man… I'm just so sorry about the way everything went down."

"You threatened to kill me…" Kurt gritted through his teeth. "You terrified me. You stole my cake topper. You bullied me mercilessly…"Kurt had to close his eyes before he continued, "You stole my first kiss."

There was a long pause before Dave started, "I didn't…"

"If you say you didn't kiss me I will fucking lose it!" Kurt yelled into the phone before he choked on a lump in his throat that hadn't been there a minute ago. He wasn't going to cry. But the emotion was just too much to let him talk around it. The kiss had been shocking enough but to have the first man to ever kiss him deny the entire episode had been worse. Your first kiss should never do that. And Dave had denied it to his face twice before. Kurt had dreamed what his first kiss with another boy would be like. He had been sure it would be romantic and wonderful full of satin and moonlight. But that was never going to happen now. When Kurt finally calmed down enough to hear again he wondered if Karofsky would still be there. He listened into the phone and realized what the strange sound on the other side was…

Dave Karofsky was crying. No, he was sobbing. Taking horrible, wheezing breaths between the sobs that it hurt to even hear.

Kurt was torn; he wanted Dave Karofsky to understand the pain he had caused, even just a small part, for so long that Kurt thought maybe this was justified. But that sad, pitiful sound didn't make him feel any better. In fact, it just made him feel sad for Karofsky. He didn't want to feel sorry for the bully. Kurt had tried to be understanding to the meat head. Hadn't he? He'd tried to reach out and help. A bust. He'd then tried to give the boy space, keep his secret for him. And that had gotten him nothing but bruises, the paranoid need to look over his shoulder everyday in every hallway at school and finally had made him transfer schools.

Karofsky sniffled and started speaking again. His voice still thick with tears, "I'm so sorry I ruined your life. I'm sorry for punishing you for the shit I couldn't handle. I'm sorry for scaring you. I'm sorry I stole from you…" he hiccuped, "I still have your cake thing if you want it back. I would like to give it back."

Kurt listened quietly to Dave's apology. Once it was finished he spoke in a very calm, low, even voice, "You didn't apologize for kissing me."

Dave shook his head and realized that Hummel couldn't see what he was doing. He stood up and started walking around his dark bedroom. Pacing back and forth. Why couldn't Hummel just accept his apology? Why did Hummel always have to find the exact thing to say to make Dave unsure how to continue? Dave wondered how Hummel always found the hardest things for Dave to talk about and went right for them. Just like he had that day in the locker room. It was like the slender boy had a homing beckon or something. Dave thought for a second before he started speaking again, "I'm sorry for jumping you. But I can't apologized for.." his voice died in his throat.

Kurt held his breath. Was Karofsky going to actually say it? He had to say it or Kurt promised to himself that he was hanging up. He couldn't sit here and listening to Karofsky word vomit all over him if the meathead was still lying to himself.

Dave knew he had talked himself into a corner. He wasn't actually dumb after all. Even if he pretended to be. It was just easier to fit in if he didn't stand out. Easier for teachers to leave him alone. Easier for Dave to pretend. He'd been lying to everyone for such a long time. But this year it had gotten so, so bad. He was breaking under the pressure of the bullshit he'd built up around him for so long. But not everything he'd done this year had been to keep up the lies. When he'd danced, when he'd kissed Kurt, he'd been as close to free as he could ever remember being. He coughed once and said very fast, "I can't say sorry for kissing you because that is one of the like two times this whole year when I haven't felt like a total bullshit-coward-fuck-up!"

When Kurt didn't respond Dave felt a pain lance through his chest. He pulled the phone away from his ear but it still said connected. Hummel was still there. Or at least he hadn't hung up yet. Dave needed to fill the silence with something, "Well, I guess I am sorry a little bit…"

_ Ah there it is._ Kurt thought to himself. Kurt knew it was all too good to be true. That if he let Karofsky talk long enough Kurt would see him talk himself out of the apology. It was just disappointing to see that glimpse of this Dave Karofsky being hidden again. But Karofsky hadn't been finished…

"You deserved better than a ham hock like me grabbing you in the smelly locker room for your first."

"You didn't know…" Even as the words left Kurt's mouth he wondered why he was being so nice to his tormentor. He thought about it for a moment. Searching for that hate and fear he'd had twisted up in his stomach for so long. But he couldn't find it anymore. He didn't know when it had disappeared but being at Dalton, even if the lack of personal style had driven him mad more than a few times, had been good for him. He hadn't been afraid in weeks. And he wasn't afraid now. Kurt heard Finn's car pull into the drive way. "Hang on a second." He said.

"It's cool man. If you want to hang up I'll understand." Dave said.

Kurt couldn't help but smile for a moment, "I'm just going up to my room. Finn just got home. I was in the kitchen when you called."

"Oh, okay." Dave had never stopped to think what Kurt would be doing when he called. He could have been eating dinner. Or in the shower. Dave blushed at the thought and was really happy at that moment that Kurt couldn't see it. He sat quietly listening to the muffled sounds of footsteps and doors opening and closing.

Finally Kurt came back on the line. "What made you call me now?"

Dave was amazed that Kurt was being so nice. He'd been expecting a vengeful, hate filled speech in which Kurt Hummel would tell him that he could take his shitty apology and go straight to hell. But it wasn't playing out that way. He let himself smile for the first time in about a week and said, "So I got suspended last week for being drunk at school. Got my ass grounded. No Xbox, no computer, no phone. All I did have was a lot of time to think about what the hell I was doing… But I guess the thing that really made me call was Hudson."

"Finn?" Kurt wondered how his step-brother had brought about this miracle. Kurt adored Finn and all of Finn's doltishness but a revelation like this seemed just a bit beyond the tall teenager. Kurt sat down on the chair in front of his vanity and crossed his legs delicately waiting to be told when exactly hell had frozen over.

Dave could hear the disbelief in Kurt's voice and chuckled. "Yeah. After the championship game Finn told me that he would take me to your new school to apologize."

"What for?"

"So I could join glee club. He said that they would never let me in unless I apologized to you."

Kurt's mouth dropped open in shock but he recovered quickly, "You were good out there at the half-time show."

"I said I didn't want to join…"

_ Okay. Wait a second._ Now Kurt was confused. "Then why…"

Dave sat down on his bed. He couldn't believe Kurt couldn't put it together. Or did Kurt just need to hear Dave say everything. Every damn word. _Fine. _Dave knew he could do that. "I lied! I was too scared to see you. Face to face. I didn't want you to see me. I didn't want to see how much you hate me."

There was a pause so long that Dave wanted to check to make sure he still had signal when he heard Kurt's voice, "I don't hate you Dave."

Dave's heart gave a small tug at the sentence and Kurt's use of his first name. "Why not? I gave you every reason in the book to hate me."

Kurt looked at himself in the mirror. Really looked at the boy's face who was looking back at him. That boy seemed like a good person, a strong person. Well this was his chance to really live up to the idea of himself that he always wanted to be. Kurt took a deep breath. "Because I think you hate yourself enough for the both of us."

That stopped Dave. The words had been spoken without a hint of bitterness or distain. Just raw, simple honesty. The least Dave could do was give Kurt the same. When Dave began again he spoke very slowly, as if he was trying to figure out what he was saying as he was picking each word. "You know, I scared you so much because it was just easier. I didn't want to actually hurt you. But I was so scared that you would treat me different. That everyone would look at you and know… But if I scared you, terrified you enough then maybe no one would see…that I'm like you."

"You mean a fabulous naturally talented performer?"

Dave could see Kurt at that moment. Perfectly picture the boy's face, a sly little smirk on those soft lips. He could hear the smile in Kurt's voice. Kurt had given him an out Dave realized. He could laugh at the joke and move on or he could take the opportunity that Kurt had left him with. This time Dave decided not to take the easy way out.

"I meant gay."

The word dropped into the world like a rock into a still pool. Dave felt like that word was hanging in the air of his room; clinging on to reality now that it left his mouth. He licked his dry lips. He couldn't take it back. He'd said it and now it would always be there. And for the first time in God only knew how long Dave felt lighter, more real.

"Wow." He heard Kurt breathe out.

Dave snorted, "Well it can't be that much of a surprise to you."

Kurt let out a light laugh, "No, I just never thought… I honestly never thought you would ever say it."

Dave let himself smile, "Yeah, me either."

"So, how did it feel?" Kurt moved over onto his bed. Letting himself relax into the conversation. He'd been waiting for it to all go wrong. But now Kurt felt like maybe this was the real deal. Dave Karofsky. Turning over a new leaf. Weirder things had happened.

Dave pulled a feather out of his pillow, thinking about how he felt. He wasn't really used to doing that. Mostly it was all CRUSH, KILL, DESTROY, in his head. But now, everything was calm and quiet he could really hear himself. "It felt weird. But right. You know?"

Kurt knew exactly how that felt. If it was anything like the way he felt when he had finally told Burt that he was gay. Dave Karofsky and Kurt were very different people but at that moment Kurt felt like they finally had something in common besides one kiss. "I'm really proud of you Dave."

"Thanks Kurt."

Kurt heard Dave say his name. The second time he'd ever said it to his knowledge. Not Homo, not Fancy, not Hummel, just Kurt. It felt good. And riding on that natural boost Kurt knew exactly what to do, "Oh and Dave?"

"Yeah?"

"I would like the cake topper back."

Dave was grinning now. Lying on his back looking up at his ceiling, grinning like a moron. "Totally." _Do it now before you talk yourself out of it!_ He coughed, "Would you let me buy you and your boyfriend dinner to start making up for being such a dick?"

Kurt knew exactly who Dave was talking about but he wasn't going to make any of this easy on the possibly reforming jock. So in his most innocent voice he asked, "What boyfriend?"

Dave grunted, "Pretty-boy, eyebrows. I backed him into a fence. Told him 'not to mess with me.' Might have dirtied up that pretty prep jacket."

"Oh, you mean Blaine." Kurt let the 'oh' drag out in an exaggerated manner. "I'm sure we could work something out. But he's not my boyfriend."

Dave sat up on his bed. "Really?"

Kurt crossed an arm over his chest and frowned down at the phone. "Okay, time-out. David Karofsky I am okay with forgiving you tonight but I draw the line at you asking me out. Too many reality changes in one night are bad for my complexion."

"Sorry. And I wasn't going to ask you out or to friend me on facebook or anything." Dave said, quickly retreating.

"Jeez. Way to make a guy feel wanted." Kurt shot back in a fake hurt voice.

Dave waved his arms wishing he had thought of something better to say. "No, wait! That came out wrong. I mean…Jesus! How do you do this to me every damn time?"

"Do what?" Turns out teasing Dave Karofsky was rather entertaining. Kurt was having far too much fun.

"Mess up my head. I practiced this conversation like fifty times but it's gone totally different than how I planned. I mean it was so much easier when I was just being big and mean and shoving you around. I suck at this whole talking, feelings thing. Like really suck."

Kurt took a moment to wonder if it would be wrong to think of Dave's babbling as slightly endearing. Like a puppy that didn't realize that it had grown into a Great Dane or something. "You practiced before calling me?"

"Yeah. You wanna make something of it?" Dave's jaw tightened a bit.

_ Hmmm, a little bit of the bully was still lurking around in there._ Kurt could hear it in Dave's voice. He better not push his luck and ruin all the progress Dave had made tonight. "Don't get defensive you were doing really well."

"Don't tease me then. I'm not quite ready for the witty banter part yet." Dave let his jaw unclench and tried to make himself relax again.

"Don't worry. You're holding your own. So Friday night?"

Dave's head was reeling from how fast Kurt seemed to be changing subjects now. He really was like a manic hummingbird. "Friday night what?"

"You are going to take me to dinner and return my cake topper."

Dave thought about how the night might go. About all the ways the night could go and all he could think about was him showing up, Kurt remembering how unattractive he thought Dave was and then the both of them sitting in the restaurant in silence for an uncomfortably long half an hour. "This is going to be weird isn't it?"

Kurt's mind had followed along the same lines as Dave's, but had come out a bit more optimistic, "Probably, at least for the first ten minutes."

"Well then this chubby, ignoramus will be at Breadsticks at seven. As long as all my hair hasn't fallen out by then." Dave hadn't meant to sound bitter but he couldn't help it.

Kurt wasn't the only one that remembered the words said in the locker room. Every syllable and smell, every second of it was still hyper-real for Dave. And time had really only just given him a chance to replay everything over and over again.

"I am sorry for saying those things to you." Kurt replied softly.

"It's okay. I deserved everything you said to me..." He waited for a moment before asking the question he'd wanted to ask Kurt for months, "Am I really not your type?"

It took a lot for Kurt to be really and truly lost for words. But this was one of those moments. Kurt wondered what he could possibly say to Dave. He thought for a minute before finally saying, "Dave, I may be gay but I'm still a teenage boy. I don't think I even have a type yet. But," Kurt said with absolute sternness, "Karofsky wasn't my type. He was a jerk. But we will see how you, Dave, does. No promises though."

"That's better than I could have hoped for."

After they had said goodnight and hung up both boys lay on their respective beds. Miles apart but thoughts mingling. Neither boy fell asleep until the sun was rising but when they did they were both smiling.


	2. Friday night

This was SO much harder to write than I expected it to be. I honestly had just thought about the phone call as a one off… So this is for all the lovely reviewers that asked to see the dinner….hope you all enjoy it.

Kurt pulled into the Breadsticks parking lot at 6:45pm. Kurt hated being late. But that wasn't his only reason for being early tonight. Tonight he would much rather watch Dave walking into the restaurant then walk in and be watched by Dave. It was just a small control thing. He compulsively checked his hair and outfit. This evening had felt like a Marc Jacobs evening…_Then again most evenings did._ And he had been just waiting for an excuse to wear his new cerulean pullover sweater with the white tie and gray slacks.

Kurt was stalling. He knew it; he just didn't want to admit it to himself. He had managed the entire drive over without the butterflies but now, there they were, flapping crazily in his stomach. _What are you so afraid of?_ _Oh, I dunno…._ "Maybe it all being a lie." he whispered to his reflection. This was insane. Deciding not to bring Blaine had been doubly insane. Why hadn't he brought Blaine again? Right, because he hadn't wanted Dave Karofsky to have a PTS moment remembering the last time Kurt and Blaine had talked to him. It had seemed like a good idea at the time.

"You're being ridiculous." Kurt said into the car. Just to see how the words felt. _Yeah, that sounds about right. _With a deep breath Kurt stepped out of the car and squaring his shoulders walked purposefully forward towards the restaurant.

As he was maneuvering his way through the sea of Friday night cars something caught Kurt's attention. In one of the few places in front of the restaurant was Dave's truck. Dave was already there and the lucky bastard had gotten rock star parking. Sighing, Kurt continued walking but stopped once he could see into the cab….

Dave Karofsky was still in his car, head against the steering wheel resting between white knuckled hands. Kurt tilted his head slightly wondering what the boy was doing. He looked like he was dying, or about to be violently sick. Maybe both. Kurt could see that Dave's eyes were squeezed shut so tight that it was giving Kurt a headache to look at. That's when a tiny piece of dialogue from Shark Week floated to the front of his mind _"They are more afraid of you then you are of them."_

Kurt had remembered thinking that the person saying those words had to be retarded. Who would believe that a shark is more afraid of a person? Really? But looking at Dave Karofsky freaking out in his car had him rethinking the idea. Kurt shook his head slightly and walked toward the truck…

Dave had been doing his best (and failing miserably) to not have a panic attack. W_hy the shit had he said he would meet Hummel at Breadsticks? Everyone and their mom came out to Breadsticks. Christ! How could he play this off if someone saw him? Oh God, Oh God!_ Dave knew he was going to ruin everything. Ruin his chance to make things right with Hummel...

Dave nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard someone knock on his driver-side window. His head flipped up so fast that he saw tiny black stars. When those faded he realized he was looking right into Kurt Hummel's face. He had never been eye level with the boy before, usually he towered over him, so this new height felt a little odd. He also had never realized how blue Kurt's eyes were… When Kurt shifted slightly Dave realized he'd been staring. He broke eye contact and went to open his door. _Way to not be a creeper Dave._ The hulking teen thought to himself.

Kurt hadn't meant to startle Dave. He'd just wanted to get the guys attention. Mission accomplished. And again Kurt was reminded of fish….the two of them looking at each other with a piece of glass between them. Dave was staring at him, like really, really staring at him. But Kurt didn't feel threatened or afraid. It was strange, all the fear Kurt thought he should be feeling seemed to be in Dave's eyes. Kurt was more nervous than scared. That piece of glass between them seemed to make the whole thing still feel so unreal, more like a messed up mirror than a window. Kurt held the look for as long as he could until he had to glance down and just double check that everything was tucked into place and that he didn't look disheveled.

He was still checking himself over when he heard the door open. He took a step back to give Dave room to get out. He looked up again and remembered just how big a guy Dave really was. Not just the height thing but how wide the guy was. Usually all that body held a barely contained aggression but right now all the uncertainty in the taller boy just made Dave look clumsy.

Kurt tilted his head up slightly to look at him. Dave put his hands into his jacket pockets. Thankfully he had not worn his letterman jacket. Kurt crossed his arms over his chest, giving a nod of approval to the casual, not in school Dave. Jeans and a t-shirt with collared shirt tossed over. Good, simple standards to build a wardrobe on. The clothes even looked clean and unwrinkled.

The two boys stood there for a moment letting the silence stretch between them before Kurt to the leap first, "Hey." _Good one Kurt. _He mentally rolled his eyes at himself.

"Hey." Dave returned lamely.

Then the silence was back.

Dave looked down at his sneakers, shifting his weight from one foot to another. This was what he had been dreading. This horribly awkward moment that would last all through dinner. "Where's your friend?" Dave finally said looking up and around for the dark haired boy.

"Blaine couldn't make it tonight." Not technically a lie. Kurt hadn't actually asked Blaine to come. Or told Blaine about this at all. Kurt had thought about telling someone but he had eventually ruled everyone out. If anyone knew he was meeting with Dave Karofsky they would have pitched a hissy-fit. It had just seemed like one of those things that it would be easier to talk about to people afterward.

"Oh." Dave said dropping his head again.

Kurt looked Dave up and down for a long moment, "How long were you sitting in your car?"

"I dunno." Dave had been sitting in the parking lot since 5:26. School had finished and then he'd chilled in Starbucks for a while then went home and changed. At around five o'clock Dave had just been sitting in the middle of his bed trying not to talk himself out of coming down here. So he'd gotten into his car, not sure where else to go and not wanting to just sit at home waiting any longer. But he didn't want to tell Kurt all that, "Not long."

"Ah." Kurt nodded easily. "So, do you want to go in?"

Dave nodded and started toward the door. As they passed the front of Dave's car Kurt reached out a hand and touched the hood. Stone cold. Dave must have been there for a while before Kurt had showed up. He'd let the fib go. After all he'd started the evening off with one himself. _What a promising start. _

Dave was hyper aware of Kurt following behind him as a waitress lead them down and over to an out of the way corner of the restaurant. The place was pretty busy and Dave was silently thanking whatever God there was that they were going to be away from most of the rush. Dave slid into one side of the little booth and watched as Kurt did the same. The waitress brought them a couple of waters, took their drink orders and wandered off into the crush.

After the cold outside air the restaurant felt unbearably close and hot to Dave. He shrugged out of his jacket and put it down next to him. He hoped he wasn't sweating. Looking back up he saw that Kurt was sitting there, hands neatly folded in front of him, with a blank yet expectant look on that smooth face. And suddenly it all seemed so stupid to Dave. Before he could stop himself he let out a burst of (not at all hysterical sounding) laughter.

Kurt looked at Dave quizzically and said, "Would you like to share the joke with the whole class?"

Dave just shook his head as he tried to stop, "I'm sorry man. I just. God, this is so awkward."

Kurt cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. He looked from Dave down to his hands and then he too let a smile cross his face, "Yeah, this is pretty weird isn't it?"

"Fucking alternate reality weird. I mean, I dunno. I dunno what to say, what to do."

"Well, why don't we start with why we are both here?" Kurt offered, trying to be helpful.

Dave gave a bob of the head, "Yeah, okay. I guess that's a good a place as any." He rummaged through his jacket pockets until he found what he had been looking for. He held the small figurine in his hand for a moment before reaching across the table and placing it gently down in front of Kurt's still folded hands. "Yeah, um...I'm really sorry about that day."

Kurt waited for Dave to draw his hands back to his own side of the table before taking the cake topper. He looked down at the two little figures then brought his eyes back up to Dave's. Dave's eyes darted away before coming back briefly to Kurt's then moving off again. Kurt thought about all the things he could say to Dave at that moment but all he ended up saying was, "Well, thank you for returning it. And not destroying it or throwing it out."

Dave licked his lips nervously, "I did think about doing that."

"Why didn't you?" Kurt asked dipping his head to try and catch Dave's eyes.

But Dave was now looking fixedly at his own hands on the table, "I dunno. I actually forgot I had it for a few days. I found again it after you transferred. And then I just..." Dave shrugged his shoulders.

Kurt had wanted to press Dave for a less vague answer but the waitress took that moment to return with a coke for Dave and a ginger-ale for Kurt. She asked if they were ready to order and Kurt finally glanced back over to Dave, who was looking up at last. They locked eyes and Kurt raised his eyebrows at Dave, "You ready?"

Dave shook his head and turned to the waitress, "Sorry, can we have a few more minutes?" The waitress gave them a pleasant smile with a little nod and wandered away again. Kurt watched her leave and was wrapped up in whether he wanted the endless soup and salad deal or an actual pasta dish when Dave blurted out, "Why didn't you tell everyone I kissed you Figgin's office?"

Kurt slid those incredibly blue, startled eyes back to Dave and immediately Dave looked at the fork and knife in front of him. _Oh Jesus. _Dave thought in a panic. _Why had he asked that?_ But he knew he couldn't unsay the words so he just kept looking at his silverware until he realized he could see Kurt's reflection in his spoon. Dave reached out and fumbled for a menu. Anything to just not see that he was sitting across from Kurt Hummel for a moment. He buried his face in the chicken entree section and wished he was dead.

Kurt had watched Dave fumble and fidget and said nothing. Waiting until Dave had finally stopped spastically flipping through the menu. He had never seen Karofsky act like this. Never seen the boy anything less than determined, focused and almost always pissed off at something. But now he was a mess. The bigger boy hadn't even been able to hold Kurt's gaze for more than ten seconds at a time since this whole thing started. Of all things he thought Dave Karofsky would want to talk about in public the kiss had not been in Kurt's top ten guess list. Kurt thought about letting the question slide but he couldn't. That was the first time Dave had ever acknowledged the incident to Kurt's face. He couldn't just let it go now. Kurt reached his hand across the table and placed it on Dave's menu, pushing it down.

Dave looked up. Kurt had leaned across the table to reach the menu. Now all Dave could see was Kurt's face, Kurt's eyes, Kurt's perfect hair. And all Dave could think about was what it had felt like to kiss Hummel. _Oh God, I'm a freak. _Dave stood up, banging his legs on the table as he very nearly jumped out of the booth, "God, I'm sorry. I really can't." Picking up his jacket he bolted for the front door.

Kurt sat there stunned, looking after Karofsky for a moment. _What the hell?_ When his brain reconnected to his feet he was up like a flash. He dropped some money on the table and grabbing his coat and bag took off after the fleeing boy. _Flash back much? _He thought to himself as he burst out of the restaurant looking toward Dave's truck. But Dave wasn't in it. Kurt looked around until he spotted Dave sitting on one of the little concrete dividers under some decorative trees. He probably wouldn't have seen the bigger boy there if he hadn't been looking.

Kurt walked slowly over to the guy, trying not to startle him again. Dave had his head in his hands and was visibly shaking. It was cold but not quite that cold. Giving Dave a good bit of distance Kurt held onto his bag's strap and said "Why do I always end up having to run after you? Is this some sort of subtle hint that I need to exercise more?"

"Dude, leave just me alone." Dave managed out through gritted teeth.

Kurt seriously considered it. Just turning around and walking back to his car and driving home. He had the cake topper, he had gotten an apology. What else did he need? What could he really do for Dave Karofsky? But looking down at the boy it just felt wrong to leave. Kurt crossed his arms over his chest and took a tiny step forward. "For a guy not so keen on Glee or theatricality you sure have mastered the art of the dramatic exit. You could show Rachel Berry a thing or two."

The only reason why Dave hadn't gotten in his truck and driven off was because his hands had been shaking too much to get the key in the door. He had seen Kurt's shoes before the pretty boy had spoken. Dave hadn't moved, hadn't taken his head out of his hands. _Why couldn't Hummel just back off? _Dave didn't want to do anything to the boy. Didn't want to explain what was going on in his head. Maybe if Dave just ignored him Kurt would go away…But then Kurt had spoken and Dave couldn't help but smirk a little. Damn it! He didn't want to smile right now. He let out a soft snort of air, "Shut up man."

When Kurt heard the smile in Dave's voice he knew it was safe to move a bit closer. He looked down at the dirty ground with distaste but sat down next to, but not too close to, Dave. The last thing he wanted to do was crowd the guy. Kurt wrapped his arms around his knees and after waiting for a moment said, "To answer the question you asked before you made your amazing escape... I was actually going to say it. But then I looked at you and you had this look on your face. It was so panicked. And I knew that it wasn't my place to tell everyone about what you were going through. No matter how scared I was of you, or how angry I was at you, I couldn't do that. Not in front of Sue, and your dad. It's a deeply personal thing. And I didn't think that was the way you would've wanted to be outed."

Dave rolled his head to the side and looked at Kurt. Kurt was gazing off into the parking lot. Not looking at Dave or at anything really. Dave allowed himself to look at Kurt. Just look at the boy sitting next to him. "I think that's why I've always given you such a hard time."

Kurt glanced over to Dave, puzzled, "What?"

"I mean look at you. You're just sitting there all fancied up in those clothes, being comfortable with yourself and who you are. You probably knew who you were since you were like five or some shit like that. Being able to like who you want to like. All gay zen master."

Kurt couldn't keep the derision out of his laugh, "Oh yeah Dave, my life has been a cake-walk covered in glitter and pink feather boas. My mom died when I was just a little kid. I officially only came out of the closet last year. And since school started this year my dad has had a heart attack, was in a coma, then he came out of it and got remarried and I had to leave all my friends and change to a private school that is so full of weird superstitions and traditions most of the time I still don't know what is going on." Kurt took a breath before he decided to continue, "Most of the guys I've ever liked have been very straight. Except one and he hasn't seemed too interested in me that way...I mean he even kissed a girl and wondered if he was bi for a while." Kurt turned to look at Dave and caught his eyes, "How's that for gay zen?"

"Jesus." Dave breathed out. "Kurt I had no clue..."

Kurt ran a hand over his neck and rubbed it absently, still not looking over to Dave, "Would any of it have made a difference?"

Dave took some time to think about his answer, "I dunno... But it sure as hell makes me feel even shittier now for the way I've treated you."

Kurt gave a half hearted smile. "While I do appreciate it, that wasn't really the point of the story. I just wanted you to know that you aren't the only one with problems. The only real difference between you and me is the fact that I decided a long time ago to love myself and the fact that I am different. It's the best part of who I am. I think I told you that last year. But I don't think you are quiet there yet."

Dave looked down at the black asphalt, "I remember that. You were dressed like Bad Romance Lady Gaga. I was a total jackass…Man, I fucking hate me sometimes."

Kurt looked over at Dave, "You know it may sound cheesy but I always thought it was important to love yourself. After all when you think about it you are the only person that you have to live with forever you know? So, you should probably like yourself at least."

Dave looked over to Kurt, his gaze settled on the smaller boys eyes and he let himself just look. Kurt was looking at him with real concern and Dave wasn't sure how to handle it. He licked his lips again, "The problem is that I feel like I don't really have a 'myself' to like at the moment. I've been Dave-The Fury-Karofsky for so long that I'm not really sure what's left if that goes."

"Dave, it's never too late to change. Not to mention we're still teenagers. You know what you don't want to be. So now you just have to focus on the things you do want to be."

"I don't think I'll ever be able to be as out and proud as you are."

Kurt gave a nod of encouragement, "That's okay. We do live in Lima, Ohio after all. And there is a huge difference between marching in the gay pride parade and just being comfortable with yourself."

Dave smiled, "There you go again being all Obi-wan like...except gayer." Kurt laughed. It was a bright, ringing sound that Dave could never remember hearing before. Kurt had a good laugh. "I'm really sorry for freaking out on you like that."

Kurt shrugged, "It's alright. But you do owe me ten dollars. Since I do recall a phone conversation where you said you were going to be paying for this evening as an apology for being such a jerk."

Dave humphed, "I think I said for being a dick."

Kurt gave a dismissive wave of his hand, "You say tomato… But seriously stop making me run. My shoes are not usually good for the running."

Dave rummaged through his jacket again and came up with a wadded up bunch of bills. Pulling out a very wrinkled ten he handed it over to Kurt, "Thanks for coming after me."

Kurt eyed the crumpled bill and reached out for it, "Don't worry about it. I mean you didn't make me run very far."

When Kurt touched the money and tried to take it Dave held onto it. Kurt looked up at Dave and suddenly the dormant butterflies were flapping crazily again. Dave sat there looking at Kurt, each of them with one hand on the money and said, "I didn't just mean about today."

Kurt just nodded silently. He really wasn't sure what to say to that.

Dave grudgingly let go of the bill and let Kurt put it in his pocket. He glanced around the parking lot, wondering what he could say to cut the tension that seemed to be in the air around him. He had talked himself into a corner again. He wanted to tell Kurt what he was thinking but he just couldn't do it. He didn't want Kurt to leave. And Dave had a feeling that if he started just pouring out that would be what Kurt would do, at a high speed. He scratched his head trying to think. _Stupid brain. _He had finally decided on a safe-ish topic when he saw something. Dave's stomach did a sickening dip when he saw a group of red McKinley jackets moving between the cars toward the restaurant. "Oh fuck."

Kurt had been trying to ignore the way his heart had started pounding in his throat (that had nothing to do with fear) when Dave had held onto the money. It was all too strange. Karofsky had been such a monster. But he couldn't help but be slightly drawn to this kinder, gently Dave. Kurt looked when he heard Dave and quickly followed his gaze. The world did a terrifying tilt as Kurt saw what Dave saw. "I don't think they've seen us." Kurt looked around trying to find good escape routes. "I don't think they'll notice my car in this crush. But they will definitely know yours. So I'll just walk around the lot back to my car and take off…"

Kurt was halfway up and turning to leave when he felt Dave grab onto his wrist. Kurt froze. Dave's hand slipped down to take Kurt's hand, gripping onto it firmly but still with a hesitancy that made Kurt know he could pull away if he really wanted to.

Kurt looked from the hand holding his to Dave's face. Neither boy could know what the other was thinking but both had felt the jolt at the contact. Kurt licked his lips nervously. He felt like he had pins tickling up the inside the skin of his arm and up his spine. Dave was shocked that he'd touched Kurt. He had done everything he could to not invade the smaller boys personal space the entire evening. It had been very important to Dave that he give Kurt as much space as he needed. But he hadn't stopped to think. All he had seen was Kurt leaving. And he hadn't known how else to stop him. Dave slowly let go of Kurt's hand and shaking his head said, "Don't. You don't have to run off."

Kurt looked down at Dave. That was the first time Dave had touched him this entire evening. And suddenly it all made sense. Dave had been trying to give Kurt space. To make Kurt feel comfortable. The entire evening flashed quickly through his mind. Dave had been trying so hard the whole evening. Kurt's face softened and he placed a hand on the bigger boy's shoulder, "While I appreciate the sentiment I don't think a confrontation like this will help you any. You don't have to prove anything to me Dave."

Dave nodded dumbly. Kurt's hand was on his shoulder….Kurt had actually touched him without flinching away. The thought was making it hard to think about anything else. Dave's eyebrows furrowed in concentration, "I just... You're actually not that bad to talk to. I mean, I like talking to you."

Kurt was touched at Dave's words. He could see how hard the bigger boy was trying. But Kurt knew in his heart that it was way too early to introduce peer pressure into the mix. He just nodded and said, "Well you have my number. Why don't you call me sometime?"

Kurt could see the shock on Dave's face as the jock said, "Really?"

Kurt rolled his eyes and placing his hands on his hips said, "Yes Dave. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

Dave just kept nodding a smile slowly spreading across his face. "Okay. I'd like that."

"I would too. Bye Dave."

"Talk to you later Kurt."

Kurt looked around and saw that the jackets were walking into Breadsticks. He took two steps and checking to make sure the boys were all inside turned back to Dave and said, "You know. You look good when you smile. You should do it more often." Kurt turned on his heel and walked away before his pale skin could betray the red flush that was blooming across it. _Had he just flirted with Dave Karofsky?_

Dave felt the heat in his face and was really happy that Kurt had continued walking away and couldn't see how badly he was blushing.

Kurt managed to get to his car without incident. He sat there for a moment letting the heater kick in before heading off. His phone buzzed and he looked down at the message he had just gotten.

NOW U GOT MY #.

THANX 4 EVRYTHING

Kurt looked up and saw Dave looking at his car. Kurt waved and Dave gave a little wave back before putting his hands back in his pockets and heading back towards his own car.

There were a lot of thoughts flying around in Kurt's head as he drove out of the lot but for the moment he decided to not over analyze the whole thing. There would be time later to figure what those fluffy happy feelings he was having were all about.

Dave watched Kurt pull out and drive away. After he tucked his hands back in his pockets he got lost in his head as he wandered back towards his truck. He could see a small contingent of football players inside laughing and messing around. When one of them saw him they waved for him to come in. Dave nodded his head in greeting but he didn't go in. He stood for a minute between the entrance and his car. His phone vibrated in his jacket. He pulled it out and looked at the message.

MY PLEASURE.

SEE YOU AROUND.

-KURT

Dave smiled but another message came in as he was reading it. It was another from Kurt.

IT'S OKAY TO LIKE URSELF DAVE.

U R PRETTY LIKABLE WHEN U  
WANT 2 B :)

Dave looked up again at his 'friends' waiting for him. He just shook his head at them and waved goodbye. This was the note he wanted to end the night on. He would probably catch a rash of shit from the guys later but right now, he didn't care.


End file.
